


Licht

by licenseplate



Category: Kakumeiki Valvrave | Valvrave the Liberator
Genre: Angst, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Slow Build, not spoiler free, um... romance i guess... :-)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:11:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6844423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/licenseplate/pseuds/licenseplate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>post-canon, AU-ish, L-Elf would not stop talking as long as there was light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I've been rewatching Valvrave and even reading the novel and I still have intense feelings for this pairing, especially since I believe their relationship could be developed.  
> I felt really heavy writing this so I hope you'll feel the same pain as I did.   
> I really wish I could've just written one chapter and be done with it but there's more to this that I haven't been able to put into words yet.  
> As a last note, "crybaby" comes from the novel. You'll see what I mean.

The source of energy used to pilot a Valvrave and the energy sustaining life is Runes. If a person were to run out of Runes, they would become an empty shell resulting in death. That had been confirmed. He had seen it happen with his own eyes, but pushed himself. Because one sacrifice would be better than compromising their entire population. For once L-Elf wished his “friend” hadn’t been so disgustingly resourceful just before his last moments.

It was for that very reason that L-Elf would not stop talking. There was a small chance that Tokishima Haruto would remain conscious for a short while after closing his eyes, like falling into a coma, and then finally, he would die. He kept speaking to the near-lifeless body in front of his eyes, tears falling and floating freely in the low gravity of the cockpit.

His voice was drained and hoarse, telling Tokishima Haruto about their first meeting to the new resolve they had created together on the moon. He wanted to create new memories for Tokishima Haruto. To tell him what had transpired, to share the memories with him later, to keep him alive. To make Runes.

If Magius lost their memories by using up their Runes, then all he had to do was make him remember, and make him create new ones. Fake memories or not, it was, as he had said before “a plan with the highest chances of success,” if not his only plan. He couldn’t even think anymore.

He clutched Tokishima Haruto’s shoulders weakly as the words kept spilling from his mouth about this and that. When it felt like he was running out of things to say, he started talking about how the sky was blue, and how the leaves were green, how his life in the Karlstein facility had been. Anything and everything he could say and had been prohibited from saying before kept pouring out, until he too, felt like a shell.

But this was for him, his friend. His only friend who, in just a short time, he shared his most vulnerable moments with.

There was light, and before long, Rukino Saki’s unit came and rescued them. She didn’t hide her shock as she saw Tokishima Haruto’s limp body. She collected Unit 1 and dragged them back to Module 77. They exchanged no real words. All L-Elf did was talk to what seemed like a corpse.

* * *

 

“Not dead, huh?” Kibukawa Takumi had a good look at Tokishima Haruto’s body and carefully maneuvered him onto a bed. “There’s a pulse. Like he’s in a coma. Seems like he’s almost dead though. We can only hope.”

“Please, save him!” Sashinami Shoko and others alike begged.

L-Elf almost did the same. But he had other things in mind before giving away his last remaining scraps of pride.

 

“We both know about how Runes work, but we don’t exactly know about how Runes are generated, and at what rate. I believe that if we give him memories and keep sustaining his body, it is possible for him to wake up. Remember what happened to Nobi Marie. I’m sure she didn’t die instantly. She had a conscious moment before she faded. I assume she could have been saved.” L-Elf explained.

“So you saved him, huh?” Kibukawa Takumi said as he fiddled with machines here and there.

“I talked to him.”

The disheveled teacher handed him a glass of water.

“I know. And ever since you’ve been back, you wouldn’t stop fussing over him. It’s probably working.”

He took the glass and drank, suddenly becoming conscious of how he was acting. He had never really fussed over another person before. He had never had the opportunity to.

“Take care of yourself first,” the teacher said. “He’s not going anywhere.”

“Acknowledged,” he replied absently.

L-Elf’s eyes drifted back to his unconscious friend, his hands almost reaching towards his. Was he really alive? Was his body warm? He seemed so still, like a mannequin, save for the gentle, almost unnoticeable rise and fall of his chest. He choked back a few more tears, remembering how Tokishima Haruto had called him a crybaby moments before he closed his eyes.

“You’re like a mother hen, L-Elf,” Kibukawa Takumi put a cigarette in his mouth. “Give it a rest.”

“I hope you’ll refrain from smoking in his presence,” he gave the teacher a tired glare, finally recognizing the state of his body. “I will be back.”

“I certainly don’t doubt that.”

* * *

 

L-Elf lived with the fear that he would lose yet another important person to him. First Lieselotte, and now Tokishima Haruto? He wouldn’t let the same mistake happen twice. That never happened. He was after all, one of Cain’s best students. He walked into the canteen, exhausted, grabbed whatever seemed edible and shoved it into his mouth. He lifted a mug Sashinami Shoko’s friends had given him to his lips. It was warm. And it was bitter. But it was also the right amount of sweetness. He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes again. Since when had he become so weak? So frail? So human?

The coffee brought him back to life slowly. With the little kick of caffeine, he felt a bit more energetic. He retreated back to the storage room where he had scribbled countless strategies and calculations, none of which would have been able to save Lieselotte. He laid down on the ground, staring at the ceiling covered in black. He wondered how he had even reached it in the first place.

Lieselotte and Tokishima Haruto were two similar beings. They were both disgustingly naive, both disgustingly sweet. They had both tried to split their lives in half for him, and he had survived at an exceedingly high cost. Lives cannot be split in half, lives cannot be shared. L-Elf remembered when Tokishima Haruto had requested no sacrifices to be made. His friend valued life, but went ahead and gave his away for the good of others.

Lieselotte was gone, but there was still a chance Tokishima Haruto would come back, and if he did, L-Elf felt like he’d start again at zero. He contemplated the possibilities buzzing in his mind. He calculated the different scenarios and outcomes concerning Tokishima Haruto’s revival and inevitable death. He didn’t want to think about the impact on his own feelings. It hurt. It fucking hurt.

 

So he went back every day at very specific times to check on the condition of his friend. It seemed like he wouldn’t wake up, but at the very least he was alive. Kibukawa Takumi had told him that a lot of coma patients had their close ones talk to them, and that it usually helped, in some way or other. Even without being told, L-Elf had no other plans but to do just that. He was a little nervous, for some odd reason, wondering if he was deemed “close enough” to Tokishima Haruto to be able to have such a privilege.

Sashinami Shoko was too busy running the country. She dropped by from time to time, and L-Elf would see her often, never really saying anything to her, more focused on his task. Sometimes, he would grab Tokishima Haruto’s almost cold hands, making sure that he was real, paying no mind to the shocked Kibukawa Takumi who had by now gotten used to it, or the flustered Sashinami Shoko. She, too, sometimes felt Tokishima Haruto’s skin, occasionally shedding a few tears for him, then getting back to her duties.

L-Elf came to admire her and appreciate the things she did. She brought in some strange snacks when she knew L-Elf was going to be visiting, sometimes tried to strike a conversation or consult him on some matters, knowing that he would rarely reply, and then leave. She was strong and had become stronger. L-Elf understood why Tokishima Haruto loved her, and probably would still love her if he hadn’t lost his memories.

So L-Elf started talking to him about love.

 

At first L-Elf couldn’t quite grasp a logical explanation himself as to why humans loved, or why he had loved Lieselotte. It seemed like what his heart had decided at that moment, and somehow this decision had been upheld for about a decade. He knew he didn’t love her anymore, because it was impossible, because she was gone, but her memory lived on inside him.

He talked to Tokishima Haruto about how he had loved Lieselotte, and how Tokishima Haruto loved Sashinami Shoko. 

And then he choked, because he felt like he couldn’t go on.

All the time he had spent with his unconscious friend made him realize something absurd, something ridiculous, something that would have been better off written out of his system for good.

It was hope.

And it was love.

 

Of course he had hoped that his friend would wake up, but this hope was different. He had never hoped for Lieselotte to return his juvenile feelings. But now, he hoped. If Tokishima Haruto were to ever wake up, he hoped he would be able to express his sentiments and receive a positive response. 

It was unfair to Sashinami Shoko. The probability of L-Elf being there next to Tokishima Haruto when he awoke was significantly higher than her being there. Tokishima Haruto would probably imprint like a baby chick, onto the first person he saw. And L-Elf would be the first one to get his feelings across.

L-Elf wasn’t noble. He wasn’t going to let Sashinami Shoko go first courteously just because she had been there from the beginning. There was a clear indication that Tokishima Haruto had forgotten his entourage, but concepts were different. He understood what a friend was. His cognitive functions may still be intact to some degree, but it was confirmed that his memories were no more. In this case, L-Elf believed that Tokishima Haruto knew what it was like to love.

He also hoped that he didn’t.

 


	2. Two

Sometimes L-Elf wondered whether he was being unreasonable with his newfound feelings. He had never truly experienced love and didn't know if this was really it. He tried to convince himself that it was just concern in order to reject a feeling directed at something almost completely hopeless. 

It was so strange to be feeling something like this. L-Elf was inexperienced and frustrated. What exactly had he hoped for in confessing his feelings to Lieselotte? That she would love him back? And then what? People fell in love, got married, and had children. That seemed to be a recurring formula. Lieselotte was a Magius. He couldn't have hoped any further. And even before he knew that, all he wanted for her was to be free. Simply put, it was a kind of pure, unselfish love.

Tokishima Haruto lay there, as if dead. Were he to wake up, L-Elf would be more concerned about the fact that he too was a Magius and thus immortal. L-Elf could never hope to be with any of his most important people.

In the Karlstein facility where he had undergone his training, he had never been taught about expressing such an emotion. Everything was done to suppress. He was not allowed to fear or panic, cry or get angry. He remembered that he hadn't laughed in ages. He didn't know how to progress from there.

He wondered if he just missed Lieselotte and found solace in loving, or pretending to love, Tokishima Haruto. They could never be together, just as the tragic story between him and the princess had unfolded. Perhaps he felt guilty about how things had turned out. It was all his fault. Even so, he could feel something change. It scared him. L-Elf hated this fuzzy feeling inside of him. It was… an irregularity.

 

Coincidentally, after the country started to fall into place, Tokishima Haruto showed progress. Despite his body losing mass due to lack of solid nutrients, his fingers sometimes twitched, his limbs would jerk. He truly was alive. L-Elf thought that his friend was even dreaming.

Some study or other said that dreams were based on memories, especially the people who appeared in them. The subtle changes in Tokishima Haruto’s for the most part serene sleeping face, were noticed by L-Elf. If he were dreaming, he still must have some memories. L-Elf hoped they were good dreams.

Every time Tokishima Haruto uttered a noise or moved, L-Elf’s heart would beat erratically, wondering if he would wake up. Every small change in his friend excited him. His hope was renewed. He hated to admit it, but he indeed felt that painful squeezing of his heart, whatever it was.

Love wasn't supposed to be painful. L-Elf didn't feel like this with Lieselotte. He hadn't felt this ever. For some odd reason he knew that it was love. It was love and it was so heartwrenchingly painful.

L-Elf would get nightmares about Tokishima Haruto never waking up, about Lieselotte’s death. He was afraid that his friend would pass away in his sleep, when he wasn't watching. He owed everything to him. Learning the truth about the Magius, the truth about Lieselotte. He would cry.

He no longer only held Tokishima Haruto’s hands. He would place his hands in his hair, he would stroke his face gently, absorbing the heat of his body. L-Elf always bore a bittersweet smile, blaming himself for all that had happened. If contact between the two had never been made, Tokishima Haruto would have never died, but L-Elf would have never found out the truth. They would have never met. L-Elf was thankful, but conflicted, so he kept blaming himself.

 

Kibukawa Takumi observed the changes in both the two males. One seemed to be gaining color, while the other seemed to slowly lose his mind. It felt like his life force was gradually being sucked away by the sleeping male. Even if one was making progress, the other was regressing. It felt like L-Elf was broken the moment he returned with Tokishima Haruto’s lifeless body.

“Hey, what did I tell you about taking care of yourself?” He received no reply. “He’ll be fine. He’s doing well.” He spoke again in a more hushed tone. “It’s not your fault.”

L-Elf was no longer bound by the principles of a soldier. He was free to do as he pleased. He was living again, as a child, as a kid who knew the importance of life. The teacher sensed his unease, his discomfort.

“You’ve done all that you can.”

In all seriousness, Kibukawa Takumi was impressed by how long L-Elf had kept up his routine of visiting Tokishima Haruto and talking at him, no, talking to him. He was so very patient, affectionate, even, with the touches and looks he gave the other. But this had dragged on long enough, and L-Elf’s self-assigned duty was taking a toll on him.

Eventually, L-Elf became tired and would fall asleep sitting next to Tokishima Haruto’s bedside. He would eat what he needed to eat, he would keep his body in relative shape, but he would not spend any time for himself. He no longer gave counsel to Sashinami Shoko or the rest about running the country. He had resigned himself to his post beside Tokishima Haruto.

 

And then, he stirred.

With a shocked gasp, tears welled up in L-Elf’s eyes. He wanted to control his emotions, but it was beyond him. He was happy. Tokishima Haruto opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling, trying to adjust to the light in the room. He turned his head and observed his surroundings a little, confused, but made no further movements.

“Tokishima Haruto,” was what he heard at first.

“Wait, L-Elf, I need to assess him first before you approach him.”

L-Elf knelt at his bedside, grasping Tokishima Haruto’s hands. 

“You kept me waiting.”

“Yeah.”


	3. Three

Kibukawa Takumi restricted L-Elf from meeting Tokishima Haruto for a week since he woke up. He was afraid that he would overload the boy with too much information. That and the fact that L-Elf needed some proper rest now that he didn’t have to spend nights thinking about how Haruto would die. Kibukawa Takumi made sure to examine the boy properly, writing a rehab regime for him to follow.

Everyone had heard of his awakening and was anxious to see him again, but Kibukawa Takumi made no exceptions. If L-Elf wasn’t allowed in, no one else would be. The boy’s body seemed to be functioning properly, despite clumsily. After laying down, unmoving, for a long time, his body was in awful shape. He retained knowledge of intangible concepts, for some odd reason, but physical man-made items eluded him. He was also capable of things drilled into him thanks to muscle memory, such as walking, writing, and the like, despite badly. The teacher had to show him how to use a toothbrush and other everyday implements.

Naturally, L-Elf was the first to visit after the week ban was over. He came early in the morning, when no one would be awake. It felt strange to see Tokishima Haruto awake, sitting up in bed, fiddling with one of those hand grip strengtheners. He seemed to be struggling and L-Elf almost let out an amused sound.

“Tokishima Haruto.” He was unsure of what to say. He didn’t know what kind of knowledge had been drilled into his head by Kibukawa Takumi. He wanted to say many things but he also needed to hold back. L-Elf exhibited self-control. If he had waited months and then a week, he could wait longer.

“Yes?” Tokishima Haruto turned his head towards L-Elf and put the hand grip on his lap.

“It’s me.”

“L-Elf?” The Dorssian boy was taken aback by how he said his name, but then recomposed himself. The teacher must have told him his name. “You’re my friend aren’t you?”

“Yes.” L-Elf approached and sat on the bed beside Tokishima Haruto who was clearly undisturbed.

“Kibukawa told me about how much you would talk to me. I can’t remember anything you said, but I remember your voice. Thank you.” Gratitude was not lost to him.

L-Elf choked and put his hands on his friend’s shoulders. Those clear blue eyes of his seemed so full of life. His reply was broken and uncertain. “You are welcome.”

“Are you okay?” Tokishima Haruto put his face a little too close to L-Elf’s.

It was just a brief moment, but whatever self-control he thought he had shattered. L-Elf didn’t know how to respond but to close the gap between them tentatively, his lips brushing against the others’.

And that was how he knew he was definitely not okay. Words threatened to spill out of his mouth against his better judgement. His friend was not ready for a confession and L-Elf wasn’t ready for rejection.

“Be well, Tokishima Haruto. I will be back.”

“Why do you call me that? Aren’t we friends? Just call me Haruto.” He was strangely unperturbed by what may have been labeled a ‘kiss’ just earlier.

“Haruto,” L-Elf gave him a sharp look. “Friends don’t do what I just did to you.” He left.

 

L-Elf reassessed his behavior and the sudden shifts in his feelings. He had been excited, happy, amused, apprehensive, upset, and hopeful in just the span of a few minutes. This was just so foreign to him. He had acted on impulse rather than thought his next move out. He truly thought it would bite him back in the ass later.

And it did.

He heard some strange things that day like, “Haruto tried to kiss me earlier! That’s so weird!” from Sashinami Shoko and also “What’s up with that pervert? I mean I know he lost his memories but… a kiss?” from Rukino Saki, and many other complaints directed to Kibukawa Takumi about Haruto’s sudden interest in kissing. Despite the teacher saying that he had never taught him such a thing, they kept pressing. “Aah, who would taint Haruto this way?” Sashinami Shoko’s voice rang out loudly. L-Elf loosened his collar and returned to his quarters.

He promptly went to bed, but sleep did not come easily. He stared at the empty bunkbeds around him. He was the only one who occupied this room and for the first time, he felt kind of lonely. He closed his eyes, trying to shut away unwanted thoughts. He fell asleep eventually, but was consumed by dreams. When he awoke, he couldn’t believe he had stained himself. He couldn’t let his guard down, especially since Haruto was awake now.

These kinds of thoughts and reactions were childish. L-Elf would have never imagined having a wet dream at his age, especially not spawned by one simple kiss. He had never had dreams like this about Lieselotte. He never had perverse thoughts about her. So what made it all right for him to react this way to Haruto? This was getting more complicated than he thought. He decided to avoid visiting Haruto for a while to get his thoughts in order.

It was absurd. Did he want him physically? L-Elf felt tormented and felt like he had sullied his friend’s honor. But he couldn’t exactly keep lying to himself either. Over seventeen years of repressed desires in order to become one of Dorssia’s top agents had resulted in this disaster. He remembered H-Neun always fooling around with girls. Perhaps if he were still alive, L-Elf would have consulted him on this matter. He supposed the next logical thing was to talk to Kibukawa Takumi. He sighed.

* * *

 

Two days passed before he was accosted by Sashinami Shoko.

“Haruto’s asking for you, you know? Why haven’t you been visiting him lately? He actually looks upset.”

“Since he is awake, I assume I no longer need to preoccupy myself with him.” That was a solidly told weak lie.

“Honestly, L-Elf,” she said, handing him a plate of youkan, “I know you care about him. If you got into a fight I’d like you to reconcile. He just woke up, he’s bound to be out of it. He needs support. Please, just a little longer. I’m still really busy.”

“You have not confessed to him.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Sashinami Shoko exclaimed, face flushing red.

“I assumed you would have taken the opportunity.”

“Hey,” she gave him an indecipherable look. “I can’t do that to someone who’s lost their memories. I think building a friendship is important first!” In a low voice she mumbled something along the lines of, “it’s not that I like him or anything, geez…”

“Friendship, huh. Such sweet words you speak,” L-Elf repeated, putting some youkan into his mouth. “So sweet.”

“Well, as Prime Minister, I order you to go visit Haruto and give him some youkan!”

“That’s not how being Prime Minister works, Sashinami Shoko, but I will take your words into consideration.”

“Atta boy!” She slapped his back and walked off cheerfully, adding, “Oh yeah, watch out, he tries to kiss people on the first meeting for some reason, but with your reflexes, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

 

Stubbornly, L-Elf walked into the infirmary where Kibukawa Takumi and Haruto were, placing the half-eaten plate of youkan in front of the latter. 

“I have some things to discuss, Kibukawa Takumi,” he spoke, ignoring the confused Haruto.

“Can it wait? Tokishima still seems to struggle with some things.”

“It’ll be quick.” He dragged the teacher away to another room, out of Haruto’s earshot, attempting to explain what had happened to him a couple days earlier, omitting Haruto’s name.

“It’s normal. Was that really it?”

L-Elf tried to remain calm. “What do you suppose I do about it?”

“Whatever you feel is right.” Kibukawa Takumi stroked his scruffy chin. Damn, were Dorssian kids weird. “Weren’t you taught about this kind of stuff?”

“No.”

“Well, it’s normal. It happens. Just find a way to relieve yourself sometimes. You’re not ‘sullying Haruto’s honor’ or anything.”

He was taken aback by the comment and stood stiffly.

“You know, I’m sure he’ll recover. Worse case scenario, we go find Tokishima Soichi and figure out how to--”

“Rune transferral may help his recovery.”

“Huh, that may be plausible. I’ll somehow introduce the idea to him. He doesn’t exactly know that he’s immortal yet.”

L-Elf grunted. He supposed his idea could not be put into practice immediately seeing as Haruto was still recovering.

 

“I thought you were angry at me, saying that we weren’t friends and stuff.” Haruto lifted up the plate of youkan, inspecting it before making use of the fork. “It’s sweet…”

“We are friends,” L-Elf replied. “I do not wish to be friends with you.”

Haruto looked up at him quizzically and stopped chewing briefly. He seemed hurt, oddly. L-Elf frowned slightly. He didn’t understand why Haruto would be upset seeing as they had not had any rapport.

“I was told that friendship must be enjoyed by both parties. You only assume we are friends because of the words of Kibukawa Takumi.”

“I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say, but you did your best for me, and I trust you, so I think we’re friends, L-Elf.” Haruto put the plate aside. “Why don’t you want to be friends with me?”

“I suppose it’s only a matter of time before you find out.”

  
L-Elf was some kind of mystery who only divulged information as needed. Kibukawa Takumi sighed, trying to reassure Haruto. L-Elf was still trying to come to terms with his feelings, especially since he had been so transparent. Still, giving his love interest the cold shoulder was something else. Kibukawa Takumi sighed once again before he helped Haruto with his rehabilitation. Dorssian kids were damn weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was on my mind so I decided to update again.  
> As a note, the story is mostly from L-Elf's point of view, which is why all characters are referred to by their full names until Haruto tells him not to. And he does just that.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have to talk about it eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really tired. It's not the best, I know.  
> 2 more chapters left, probably.

After Haruto had come to and L-Elf had had the talk with Kibukawa Takumi, he volunteered to help Sashinami Shoko with administrative business. She welcomed him with open arms and then tossed documents she couldn’t quite decipher (or was too lazy to) his way. It was about time he stopped moping, she’d said. He had grimaced at the comment. Surely it couldn’t have been that obvious.

Either way, his relationship with Sashinami Shoko was improving. He got to understand how she ticked. She was a true irregularity and much harder to read than her peers, but once he understood that she was actually quite simple, he had no problems dealing with her. Sometimes he enjoyed her company. She too, was one of those excessively sweet people like Haruto and Lieselotte.

L-Elf knew Haruto was getting in better shape. His mind was no longer clouded with thoughts of his death, but he felt like he should be doing something to distract himself nevertheless. Whilst idle, his mind would go back towards Haruto now for a different reason.

He did not see him as often anymore due to his duties, but it was good for him to be busy. He liked working and he liked having routine in his life. L-Elf worked with Renbokoji Satomi and that haughty girl, never really speaking unless absolutely necessary. There were rumors about them getting together and L-Elf could see they were true by just watching the way they interacted.

Perhaps he should explain to Haruto the reason for his irrational behavior.

It took but a day for L-Elf to reacquaint himself with Haruto. The boy was too good-natured and trusting, L-Elf wondered grimly how he had made it this far in life. Life on JIOR sure had been peaceful.

Despite having lost his memories, Haruto’s personality remained the same. He reacted exactly as L-Elf predicted, much to Kibukawa Takumi’s delight. He assigned L-Elf the position of Haruto’s caretaker seeing as his recovery was going strong. The teacher headed outside of the room for a smoke, leaving L-Elf not much room to protest.

He wouldn’t protest anyway. He knew the teacher would keep meddling.

Haruto was making progress too quickly for a regular human. The explanation “but he’s _not_ human” swam in L-Elf’s head, but he sunk it. He still acted human. Haruto was still in his own body. He wasn’t possessing a human shell. He wasn’t like her.

He frowned. He shouldn’t be thinking that of Lieselotte. She had been for cohabitation between humans and Magius.

“L-Elf?”

“What is it, Haruto?” The name came out of L-Elf’s mouth uneasily.

“You’re making a face.” Haruto pulled the corners of L-Elf’s lips up with his index fingers, making him grunt. “What’s up?”

L-Elf didn’t reply.

“You should stop keeping stuff to yourself. It’s okay to rely on your friends a little.”

L-Elf’s eyebrows twitched a little before he pulled Haruto’s hands away and made them resume their exercise. He was supposed to be teaching him how to write again.

“Stop your nonsense and keep working.”

These little moments made L-Elf forget that there had been a devastating war just months ago.

 

“You know,” Kibukawa Takumi said one day when L-Elf was humoring Haruto, “it's a miracle he didn't just go straight up and expire.”

“I understand that.” L-Elf replied, trying to teach Haruto how to hold chopsticks again. Forks and spoons weren’t much of a problem. He squeezed Haruto’s hands in the right position as patiently as ever.

“It got me thinking. His father was a researcher. But he's still a father. He'd probably dote on his son more than the rest of the... subjects. Maybe that's what made him survive this long.”

L-Elf huffed in annoyance. “Didn't we say we weren't going to talk about this in his presence?”

“What are you arguing about?” Haruto dropped his chopsticks, a bit upset he wasn’t a part of the conversation.

“It's nothing.” L-Elf silenced Kibukawa Takumi with a glare.

Certainly, that topic was something L-Elf had wondered about himself. By now, everyone knew that the Sakimori students were all modified beings. Not Holy Spirits, not Magius, but genetically engineered humans.

Perhaps Haruto’s father did do something to him that made him recover faster. Perhaps he had done something that saved his life. L-Elf could only ponder.

 

“I need to have a word with you,” Rukino Saki said.

“I’m listening.”

They were standing in a common hallway that lead to the infirmary where Haruto had been moved. Absently, L-Elf thought it would be okay for him to be moved to a dorm room like the rest of the students and be reintroduced to the entire student body. Surely he’d like that.

“You weren’t listening just now.”

“I was. You told me that I’m being overprotective.”

“Not just that, but everyone can see how you look at Haruto,” she stared at him angrily. “You treat him like a pet.”

“You have a better suggestion?”

“Tell him the truth.” Rukino Saki shifted her gaze towards the floor and rubbed her arms. “Right now, you’re the one closest to him. He’d take the information better from you than the rest. And you know him best, too, you calculating bastard.”

“Get Sashinami to do it.”

“Oh please, she’s busy acting as a figurehead for this broken pseudo-empire we’ve got. You know that better than the rest of us. You know how this stuff works. You’re smart, L-Elf.” She raised a fist and weakly threw it towards his face. He caught her hand with ease and noticed her body shaking a bit. “I don’t want to remind him of what happened between us. It’d only trigger bad memories for the both of us.”

L-Elf raised an eyebrow slightly, maintaining silence.

“Just tell him about the Magius. Tell him he’s… We’re... Holy Spirits. Let’s stop hiding the truth from him. He has to know.”

“I’ll consider it.”

“For God’s sake, stop being so coddling! You coward! We can’t keep him in the dark forever.”

L-Elf’s gaze didn’t move from the girl’s body. He was certain she was crying. “Do it yourself.”

“You would get pissed off if it were someone else telling him. Face it.” Rukino Saki raised her face, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill, and scowled at him. “He asked me to marry him once, you know? But he’ll never remember, and I don’t want him to remember.”

Now he sincerely wondered what she was talking about. “Your relationships have no--”

“Shut up!” She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeves. “Sashinami renounced. I give up too. You can have him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You like him and we’re giving you a free pass to… I don’t know, progress your relationship with him.” Rukino Saki rolled her red eyes.

“I suppose I do harbor feelings for him.” L-Elf said out loud for the first time. Somehow admitting it to someone made him feel better although he didn’t understand why Rukino Saki had started crying and made a big deal out of it.

She turned her back to him. “Doesn’t guarantee he’ll like you back, but I guess it’s your turn to try.”

“I don’t need anyone’s permission.”

She walked off.

L-Elf stood in place for a while, considering the disjointedness of the conversation he had just had. The girl had managed to make sense of a jumbled mess of sentences that had made no sense.

The only real information L-Elf elected as relevant was that he’d been hiding the truth from Haruto too long.

Ever since Haruto’s mind had been reset to a blank slate, no one had told him about what had happened, prioritizing his recovery. But now, a reasonable amount of time had passed, and he was doing fine.

Sometimes L-Elf thought it would be better for Haruto to not know the truth. He looked happy like that, but he would have to know the truth eventually. He could live without knowing, but L-Elf supposed he would ask at some point.

He’d wonder why he wasn’t aging at the same pace as the rest of the students.

L-Elf’s hands tightened into fists at the realization.

Rukino Saki was right in more ways than one. He needed to tell Haruto to save him from future grief.

He’d overlook some things Rukino Saki said in her emotional outburst for opening his eyes.

 


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L-Elf tries to work things out in the wrong order, in the wrong way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... haven't updated in so long I don't remember the happenings in my own fic but I'm getting it done.  
> There is possibly one last chapter. Stay tuned.

“Haruto, bite me.” L-Elf pulled the collar of his shirt down and exposed his neck.

“What?”

After a short conversation with Kibukawa Takumi did L-Elf make his decision. L-Elf was never going to be able to explain things to Haruto without him asking questions, so he thought he’d just show him. He had faith in the rune transferral. His decision was based on two things. The first was that Haruto would have a better grasp of his body after recovering runes. Perhaps they’d make him more aware of how he was supposed to function and also provide him with energy to recover faster. The second was for Haruto to understand L-Elf’s feelings. It was going to be an out of body experience, to say the least. Kibukawa Takumi reluctantly agreed, saying, “Remember that he had been feeding off of you, and that your life is in danger if he does not control his rune intake.” L-Elf’s only reply was that his previous memories were of no real value to him as long as his body remembered what was important. His combat prowess, at the very least, would remain.

“You will understand once you do so.” L-Elf grabbed Haruto’s wrist and brought him closer.

His friend, not completely on the same page as him put his free hand on L-Elf’s shoulder. His face was dangerously close, and L-Elf could feel his warm breath against his skin. It was almost distracting.

“Are you sure this will help my current condition?” If anything, Haruto probably didn’t feel like he was unhealthy anymore. He had been recovering steadily and learning about things through books they’d recovered in the module. This wasn’t in any of the biology books he had paged through.

“It will clear up certain things,” L-Elf explained vaguely.

“All right… Though it’ll hurt you, won’t it?”

L-Elf let go of Haruto’s wrist and instead put his own arms around his friend’s waist. “What happens to me is of no consequence.”

Haruto reciprocated the hug. L-Elf was just a little bit taller, but Haruto laid his head onto his shoulder, an act almost too intimate for L-Elf to handle. L-Elf was sure he was going to have very vivid dreams if tonight.

“Let’s get to it.”

“Whenever you’re ready then.”

“Do it.” L-Elf gently separated his body from Haruto’s and pulled back his collar once more to reveal his pale Dorssian skin.

Hesitantly, Haruto put his lips against the junction between L-Elf’s shoulder and neck and breathed deeply, as if he were bracing himself for some sort of impact. The contact made L-Elf shudder.

Before he knew it, he was out cold.

 

Haruto awoke staring at himself. He was laying on top of his own body, disoriented. He sat up on his knees. For some odd reason, his only reaction was to shake his own body asking if he was okay. _Was he okay?_ He stared at his current hand, and then his arm. These were L-Elf’s clothes. The realization soon faded after he looked at his own limp body again. His state of confusion was suddenly replaced by a pain almost so unbearable he wanted to rip his own heart out. His heart erratically beat without reason, his palms became sweaty, and his entire body hot.

“Am I going mad?” The voice did not belong to him, yet he was the one who uttered the words. “No way.”

His blood boiled, and he had the urge to place his hands on his face. His lifeless face. If this was what L-Elf felt… no… he had a vague recollection... If this was what Mikhail had felt, waiting for him to wake up all this time… He reached towards his body, tenderly cupping his own face. Without any further thought, he leaned down and placed L-Elf’s lips on his very own, reproducing what had happened just days before.

“This is what he meant..?”

It had absolutely nothing to do with recovering his memories at all.

“What are you doing?” A shrill voice rang out from the infirmary doorway. “L-Elf you dirty--!”

“Wa-wait Rukino-san!”

“Haruto?” She pieced things together rather quickly. “What happened?”

Haruto explained to her L-Elf’s proposition.

“That’s stupid, it doesn’t work that way.” Rukino Saki huffed annoyedly. “Bite him again and you’ll get your body back.”

“Why did he make me do it?”

She was stiff for a moment. “Haruto, I love you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I love you. Shoko loves you. And L-Elf? He loves you the most.”

“I love you too Rukino-san.”

She kneeled down and grasped him by the shoulders, feeling awkward as it was L-Elf she was actually holding. “No, that’s friendship. What you have to understand is… Haruto, what is it you feel when you look at your own self in this body?”

“I…” The pain gripped at his -- L-Elf’s -- heart. “It really hurts.”

“That’s not friendship. It’s love. It’s romantic. It’s… You watched those movies I lent you right? For reference? That’s what it is. That’s how we feel towards you.”

“I don’t know what to say…”

Rukino Saki gave a defeated sigh. “What he wanted to show you is how much he loves you. Do you think a regular person would be at your side your every waking hour?” She turned her head away and muttered, “God you idiot, L-Elf. This wasn’t what I meant at all. What good is doing this if you’re not saying it from your own mouth?”

“Rukino-san? Didn’t you say both you and Shoko love me as well?”

“That was in another life. You rejected us both.”

“I did?”

“It’s driving me crazy talking to what seems like such a doe-eyed L-Elf. Would you just get back to your own body already?”

“He said it’d clear up things.”

“He’s one selfish bastard. He wanted to clear things up in the easiest, most cowardly way for himself. Not you.” Rukino Saki gave a most exasperated look. “Just… bite him again. I’ll leave and forget anything ever happened. You should respond to him. This was a confession of sorts. A stupid one.” In a lower voice, she spat out the word, “Coward.”

“I don’t follow… but I understand. Thank you Rukino-san. I’d probably feel overwhelmed here without you.”

“Don’t say such things with his voice.” She gave him a smile tinged with sadness. “You’re welcome.”

 

L-Elf opened his eyes. He was on a bed in the infirmary with Haruto sitting next to him. He seemed to be shaking his legs anxiously.

“You’re awake!”

“Did you learn anything?”

“I did and I didn’t. I think… I think I need you to clarify some things for me.” Haruto fiddled with his hands nervously. “Do you… Are you in love with me?”

L-Elf silently propped himself up into a seated position. “I am in love with you.” There was no change in his facial expression. It just seemed, at this point, so factual that he could say it without displaying any emotion.

Haruto winced unexpectedly.

“What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know, my heart started hurting when you said that.” Haruto gave a small, awkward smile.

“I didn’t take care of you because I had ulterior motives.” L-Elf reached for Haruto’s hands, noticing how sweaty his own had become. “I truly care about you.” His expression softened and he brought Haruto’s knuckles up to his lips. “Do not become infatuated with me just because I was your primary caretaker.”

“Your words really don’t match your actions, L-Elf.” Haruto squeezed his hands. “I don’t really know what love is, but I guess you’ll teach me right, Mr. Caretaker?”

His heart was pounding, his face was flushing. He felt his ribcage about to break apart. Was that a proposition? Could he go further? L-Elf was losing his composure.

“Yes,” he replied.

He hadn’t been downright rejected nor had his feelings been accepted, which meant that he could continue his advances, knowing that Haruto understood his gestures now. However, there was one more thing they had to address.

“There are truths I’ve hidden from you because I felt like I needed to protect you. Everyone of importance on the module has been urging me to be the one to tell you. Actually, I couldn’t bear losing you a second time to something so… unpleasant, which is why I’ve been the one threatening others not to tell you.”

“I guessed there would be something else.”

L-Elf laced his fingers with Haruto’s.

“Shall we take a walk?”


End file.
